There’s a Baby in My Bed: The Beauty and Science of Breast-Sleeping / Co-Sleeping

When I first became a mum, I did what many of us do—I tried to follow the sleep “rules.” When our baby grew a little bigger and more mobile I tried to transition him into his own bed, in his own room, and ended up sleeping on the floor next to him for what felt like years (shivering under a dressing gown!) It was exhausting, uncomfortable, and never quite felt right.

Fast forward to baby number two, and I did things differently. I leaned into my instincts, tuned out the noise, and welcomed my baby into my bed for the longer term. And honestly? It’s been easier, more restful, and incredibly bonding—for both of us.

This post is for the tired mama wondering if there’s another way. Let’s talk about the science of breast-sleeping, how to bed share safely, and why it might be exactly what you and your baby need.

What is Breast-Sleeping and Why is it Safe?

“Breast-sleeping” is a term coined by sleep expert and anthropologist Dr. James McKenna. It refers to the biological norm where breastfeeding and bedsharing occur together in a carefully prepared, safe sleep environment.

Research shows that when done correctly, breast-sleeping can:

• Support breastfeeding success through more frequent, easy nighttime feeds

• Synchronize mother and baby’s sleep cycles, reducing the risk of deep, unresponsive sleep in either party

• Encourage maternal vigilance, keeping baby in a protective "safety zone" near the breast

• Regulate baby’s temperature, heart rate, and breathing thanks to proximity and skin contact

Babies are biologically wired to be near their mothers. Breast-sleeping mirrors what human infants have done for millennia.

Safe Bedsharing: What You Need to Know

Safety is paramount. When bedsharing is intentional and prepared for, studies show it can be both safe and beneficial. Here are key guidelines:

1. Non-smoking household (during pregnancy and now)

2. Sober and unimpaired parents

3. Breastfeeding mother

4. Healthy, full-term baby

5. Back-sleeping baby

6. No soft bedding or pillows near baby

7. Safe sleep surface—a firm, flat mattress without gaps or heavy blankets

Never bedshare on a sofa, armchair, or with pets. Plan for safe co-sleeping the same way you’d baby-proof a crib.

My Co-Sleeping Journey: Two Boys, Two Very Different Nights

With my first son, we always responded to his waking, but were resistant to simply bed sharing. We tried so hard to get him used to his own cot in his own room. It was relentless, and looking back, it didn’t serve either of us. He clearly wasn't ready, and I now feel sadness that we didn't just hold him close. We always slept next to him when he needed us, and would always respond if he woke in the night, but it meant hours lying on the floor next to his cot by either me or my partner. Total madness thinking about it now!

When my second baby came along, I followed my instincts—and him—straight into bed. We breast-slept from the start. He nestled in, fed through the night, and we both slept so much better. I woke easily for feeds, and he rarely cried because he didn’t need to. He is now 14 months old and we are still happily sharing a bed and getting so much sleep. I have no plans to stop until we both feel ready for a change.

I know now: sleep doesn’t have to be a battlefield. It can be peaceful, gentle, and intuitive.

Introducing My Podcast: There’s a Baby in My Bed

This journey inspired me to create There’s a Baby in My Bed—a podcast dedicated to responsive sleep, co-sleeping myths, and real talk from real parents. Whether you’re curious about bedsharing or already doing it and want community support, this podcast is for you.

In each episode, we explore topics like:

• Co-sleeping experiences - the highs and the lows

• Bed sharing and weaning

• Safe sleep setups and the science behind co-sleeping

You’re not alone in your choices—and you deserve information and support, not judgment.

Honouring All Sleep Choices

Every family is different. Whether your baby sleeps in a crib, on your chest, in a sidecar cot, or all of the above in one night—you’re doing it right if it works for you. Co-sleeping isn’t the only way, but for many of us, it’s the gentlest one.

So if you’re considering bringing your baby into your bed, or you already are and just want some validation: you’re not alone. You’re not spoiling your baby. You’re following your instincts—and they’re powerful.

Explore more:
🔗 Listen to the podcast
📥 Download your free safe sleep checklist
📧 Join the Rewilding Mamas newsletter for updates and support